Emotionless I explore consciousness. I am enlightened to the fact that none of this is real, yet I indulge. Like a fine wine or a Chocolate Brazilian, it warms me up. I am not a victim as they would assume that I display myself as. However, in the Adult land of make believe, personality traits are put on people as a reflection of what others see in themselves. I assume that the Karmatic DNA that is stored rears its ugly head from time to time to try and throw us off balance when we think we’re on a new path. Digressing into someone else’s ideas of who they think we should be based on our ancestry. WE must reprogram in order to realize this. Protecting yourself against those that do not understand can be difficult. You want to explain or apologize, however, it is not necessary because no matter what you say or how you react some people will never break through the static. Silence sometimes is the brass-knuckles of getting a point across.
How do you hold silence when you are being judged and ridiculed? You stay aware of the moment, each one as it passes. You watch the emotions fly around like some cosmic recycling bin. You become so aware that you understand that none of what is happening is actually fact of the matter. When you can physically contain silence through verbal contact you have overcome tthe cosmic plane of fear and aggression that is processed into our colonial based life. I personally have been through these stages more than once. I have always get hung by my tongue and not made it too far into the silence. I have an urge to defend myself because the people that usually attack are those who would be labeled as the closest. I realize now that they are angry because they are the furthest. They believe that their opinion is truth on my character and that how they live is the way we all should. I have passed that place in my life. And these people are not close to me at all.
They have been a nagging presence in my life. And have kept me out of the silence. They continue to try to bring me back in with their misery and I refuse. Being called a sociopath because I don’t feed the lion my point. I just say ok and move on. I am not careless, but the only way to break a cycle is to take another direction; another approach. I have been playing this game of poker for way too long. This deck of cards has now lost its joker and I don’t play without a wild card. I now don’t play at all. I have no patience for control anymore. You win. Take your ego.
I am calm in my chaos and my lack of control. As these words go out I say them with strength and courage. I do not care if these hateful, manipulative people are in my life, I have no need to keep beating my heart on this wall. Their is nothing wrong with me and I am fucking sick and tired of hearing what I need to do and change and be from these assholes. Stop deflecting your misery into me and take responsibility for yourself. WE all know the truth, it is just about whether or not we are able to face it, and at that point, it’s all perception based on where we are within consciousness. The truth is always present, we are the ones that are not! I am free. I am at no fault for talking about my past. present or future. I feel nothing because there is nothing worth feeling for. The only thing here is a false sense of pride and identity. I do not identify they way most do. Does that make me a bad person? Absolutely not. I look forward to the book that I will write. I look forward to the love I will continue to share and I can honestly say I am not sad that these strangers are not going to be part of it. This chapter is a new one. A clean one. A non judgmental love chapter of redemption and closure. I will release all that doesn’t serve me and I will use that extra space to build more love. Thanks for reassuring everything I thought and I can now rest peacefully knowing that the Universe has shown me how to protect myself through love, truth and understanding.
And my happiness? I am always willing to share, just leave the ego at the door and let’s explore yours too!